179: 178 Bang, boom, bang. The ear-splitting sound of fireworks continued. Dane thought his ears might be wrong because of this dizzying noise. That he had misheard Greyson's words or heard words that weren't even there in the first place. But when he moved his gaze to Greyson looking at him, his expression wore a faint smile. "What…" Dane opened his mouth for the first time. His mind was completely empty, unable to think of anything. No, perhaps too many thoughts were rushing in and he couldn't tell what he should think of. It was Dane who had spoken of ending things first. But he was quite flustered by the words of farewell that Greyson had just spoken. "What do you mean by that?" At his bewildered question, Greyson was still only smiling. At his incomprehensible expression and words, he could only blink, when Greyson opened his mouth. Unchanged and calm as always. "I'm giving up, everything." Only then did Dane realize he hadn't misheard. That his ears weren't wrong, that he hadn't heard hallucinations. But he still didn't know what reaction he should have. Even though this wasn't his first time with such an experience, why, for what reason. Instead of saying "Yeah, take care" as he usually would, he put completely different words in his mouth. "…Suddenly, why?" At the question that came after a pause, Greyson's long eyelashes slowly lowered. In the bright light of fireworks that illuminated the sky like day, they cast long shadows to one side, revealing the contrast of light and shadow on his face more starkly. "I don't love you." Boom, another firework exploded. Dane said nothing. He just froze like ice, waiting for what came next. Greyson opened his mouth with his gaze fixed on Dane's face. And just like before, quietly, in an all too peaceful voice, he confessed. "I've come to understand now, what I feel for you isn't love." Explosions continued one after another. Amid people's cheers and loud explosions, they remained silent, staring at each other. What the hell is this bastard babbling to me right now? Dane stared blankly at Greyson's face, forgetting even to blink. Then he became even more incomprehensible. Why is this man who had so passionately declared his love looking at me with such a face? "That day…" A quiet voice flowed out. Dane had to concentrate all his nerves to hear his low voice amid the surrounding noise. As if pouring all his senses toward him. With his gaze lowered as if looking down at his own feet, Greyson continued as if reciting. "When your consciousness first returned, the doctor said… that you might go blind. And when I heard those words, I… immediately covered my mouth." After exhaling a short breath, Greyson closed his mouth. The next words came out after a few seconds of silence. Still stubbornly keeping his gaze fixed, he confessed. "So I wouldn't be caught smiling." Dane couldn't react immediately. "…What?" Above Dane, who had barely managed one word, bang, another firework exploded. Neither of them said anything to each other. Dane was certain he had heard his words. Though it was only one word, he was sure it had reached Greyson's ears. Because he too was on edge with all his nerves, just like himself right now. Greyson, who had glanced at such Dane, chuckled. An innocent smile like a child appeared on his face. "I smiled. As soon as I heard you might go blind." Dane blinked and asked. "…Why?" That was all he could say. Looking at his bewildered expression directed at him, Greyson responded as if it were natural. "Of course, because I was happy." He actually looked that way. As if recalling that joy, he smiled such a happy smile. "If you couldn't see ahead, you wouldn't be able to do that anymore." Though it was a natural answer, it was still incomprehensible to Dane. "Do that? What are you talking about?" At his urgent question, Greyson answered. "In front of me." The voice flowing out with a peaceful expression was finely trembling. "In front of my eyes, going to die." Boom, a loud explosion came as if ringing right by his ear. Dane looked at him without moving. Greyson faced such Dane for a while before opening his mouth. "You asked why I had come to see you, didn't you?" A calm voice continued. As if having some meaningless everyday conversation. "What I said before was true. I went to kill you." So peacefully. "…Why?" At the too great disparity between the content of his words and his tone, Dane was only confused. Does this bastard even know what he's saying? "Answer me, what the hell have you been saying?" Unlike Greyson, Dane asked repeatedly in agitation. But even at his tense voice, Greyson showed no reaction. At such behavior, Dane became even more sensitive. Just as he was about to press again, he averted his gaze from Dane. "You…" Dane stared intently at his slowly moving lips. "When your body completely heals, you'll return to being a firefighter, won't you?" Of course. That's his job. Just staring without understanding, Greyson squeezed his eyes shut. "I can't stand that." He who had been leaning his arms on his widely spread legs clenched both hands. When Dane looked at them trembling strongly, Greyson continued. "You'll throw yourself without hesitation anytime. You'll always be ready to die. However many times, whatever it takes, for anyone in the world, you'll risk your life. Even for some damn dog or cat." His voice trembled as much as his clasped hands. "That's why I tried to kill you. If we died together, you'd be mine forever." Dane was only blinking. At his reaction of disbelief at his confession, Greyson gave a deflated laugh. "It's true, if you hadn't noticed me that time and called my name, we wouldn't be in this world right now. You who saved people would have gone to heaven, I who committed murder would have gone to hell." Soon he added weakly. "I'm really glad it didn't turn out that way." Silence came again. For a moment, only the sounds of people laughing and chattering and fireworks settled between them. Dane frantically turned his thoughts. He had to say something. Anything, somehow. "…But you didn't do it." He barely opened his mouth. "You didn't do it. I'm alive now, and that's enough." "No." Greyson immediately denied Dane's barely uttered words. "If things stay like this, I'll end up killing you." Dane tried to say something, but Greyson was faster. "You don't understand. It will definitely happen, I will. I'll end up killing you." "That's unknowable…" "I…!" Just as he was about to speak again, Greyson snapped sharply. When Dane hesitated for a moment, he bit his lips and breathed roughly. At his intense reaction, Dane closed his mouth and waited for him to calm down. Greyson, who had been silent for a while, opened his mouth. "I still feel that impulse now." In a deflated voice, he growled. "That if I kill you, I can have everything. Another me constantly whispers in my ear." Greyson slowly covered his ears with both hands. As if trying not to hear that sound anymore. However, his brow furrowed in anguish only crumpled more. "But it still continues. Even when I cover my ears like this, I keep hearing it. Continuously, continuously…" I want to make you mine alone. I can't stand you risking your life for someone anymore. Please, don't run like that again in front of my eyes. Don't leave me alone. Rather. He inhaled roughly and stopped breathing right there. As if trapped by the terrible imagination he had conjured. I wish you would rather die. Greyson slowly exhaled his breath in parts like a sigh. …Then I wouldn't have to think like this anymore. "Love isn't like that." Greyson's face toward Dane was full of despair. "This is never love." He repeated the same words as if reminding himself. On his pale face, no fantasies, expectations, dreams, or anything remained. With an expression as if his soul had left, Greyson looked at Dane. "Love can't be this ugly." Moisture gathered in his deep purple eyes. Greyson's lips trembled. His purple eyes seemed to shine particularly bright, then the tears that had filled them flowed down his cheeks. "Something this painful, this miserable and terrible can't be love." The tears that had gathered on his chin fell down. Another tear followed over it. "This isn't love. This, this can't be love." He who had repeatedly said the same words covered his face, completely soaked with tears, with both hands and muttered desperately. "I don't love you." Dane could only watch him. Without being able to say a single word.